The Mindfulness Response: Self-Compassion and Self-Esteem

Understanding Self-Esteem

            Minority subcultures within America have definitions and rules for self-esteem that are not always compatible with the majority culture (Hofstede, 1980, 2001). The independent, winner-take-all culture is not kind to those who have disabilities, chronic diseases, the elderly, or those with mental illness. The cultural attitude emphasizes the individual or the family, but not the community. This view ignores those who need assistance, housing, and financial help.

Different words describe self-esteem that focuses on the inner self.

The dominant culture affects rules and norms for self-esteem. This increases pressure on people to achieve their best, get the most awards, and be at the top of their class. Most people can’t do these recommended steps and they may fail. All of this affects self-esteem.

Group discussions of perfectionism centered around childhood messages that continued into adulthood. Participants talked about their difficulties thinking they needed to be perfect or nearly perfect to have good or healthy self-esteem. If you don’t have good self-esteem, something is wrong with you (Hofstede, 1980, 2001).

            Another aspect that affects self-esteem from an economic perspective is capitalism. The media and advertisements offer solutions to build self-esteem by wearing, eating, or buying their product. This may be a temporary form of a mood changer, but in the long term, it won’t solve low self-esteem.

            Self-esteem is tied to goals. Making smart goals, and achieving goals for the day, the week, or the month are taught to children in elementary school. This idea can help focus learning and growth. However, the desire to carry out the goals can become a source of despair when the person cannot complete their goal. Barriers to accomplishments can be symptoms of mental health or physical health, stereotypes, prejudice, and poverty, among others.

Identify Problems with Self -Esteem and Self-Compassion                    

            Self-esteem is a larger concept than can be explained by achievements. Reflecting upon what you do well is associated with good self-esteem. Identifying areas that are problems helps us find ways to learn to improve skills. Self-esteem for one age group can be quite different for another, and it can differ between cultures and people.

            The group discussed experiences with psychosis or trauma and how a support base is important. LeComte, LeClerc & Wykes (2016) explain how a sense of security is needed for a stable foundation. before self-esteem can be measured, a person must have a safe and stable home environment. Being able to care for your own home and trust your neighbors makes you feel happier. One participant moved into a new apartment to live with others, because of the loneliness and isolation that comes with depression. Another person moved back in with their parents for financial reasons and to help with severe symptoms. Both parties received help on the move, as the group suggested. It can be safer to have more people in the home and it can bring about more ideas and interests for all in the family.

            A sense of identity to describe yourself, and what makes you happy is part of self-esteem. What are your strengths?

What areas am I trying to improve?

            For group therapy members, being patient with medications was necessary and open communication with their clinic was needed to decide if symptoms would decrease. Self-compassion encourages the development of self-esteem. A person who is healing from trauma, or a psychotic break is just like someone who broke their leg and has a cast and is on crutches. You can’t hurry the time it takes to heal. Everyone needs to show patience for the body to heal itself. Resting will help.

            Belonging is vital to every human being. Becoming part of a community is something that everyone wants. Participants talked about being excluded from others and the pain they felt. Inclusion and a sense of belonging help make decisions and plan events. A sense of belonging comes with an open expression of how symptoms change for good or bad and having a trustworthy support person. Sometimes this is a family member, a friend, an individual therapist, or a case manager.

            Being able to do your self-care is a sign of strength when managing severe symptoms. Sometimes depression, anxiety, trauma, and psychosis get in the way. The involvement of the team of health care providers helps stabilize symptoms through therapy, medications, and using resources. Sometimes this is done in the home with self-care, doing home chores, and planning events for the family.

            A sense of purpose with goals for each week comes after participants can care for themselves and feel safe in their homes. Trusting others at home comes before participants can volunteer or do paid work.

            At times group therapy members had paranoia and felt safe only at home. This situation can become a prison for them since they cannot go beyond their own home. Participants talked about panic attacks and social anxiety when they were at the grocery store or community events. Individual therapy and practice being in the community with a trusted person can break the chains of anxiety and paranoia that hold people prisoner in their own homes. A participant explained how they went for a walk around the block with their dog and felt safer with their dog. Another participant talked about challenging the anxiety and paranoia by going to the store with their dad because they had a tough time going to the store by themselves.

            Once a participant is comfortable leaving their home and being in the community, a job coach or vocational rehabilitation worker can help find volunteer or paid jobs. Open communication is vital to job success and being able to problem-solve work situations with a trusted person ensures that the person will keep a job.

            One participant talked openly with a job coach and a support person about whether other workers in the building and strangers walking through the area were likely to insult or harm him. The participant recalled having too many intrusive thoughts that others might insult or harm them and feared returning to work. A supportive person was consulted, and they did a reality check and decided that other people had no reason to harm or insult the participant. The strong emotions created the thought, and those thoughts of being harmed were not true.

American society defines self-esteem as accomplishing goals, receiving awards, and having a job. (Hofstede, 1980, 2001). Not everyone in society will be able to do this. Finding distinct types of accomplishments, goals, and strengths can be different for everyone. Rating and comparing oneself to others are not always helpful for personal growth. It can hinder growth.

The group discussed evaluating and rating oneself and how it could help unlock personal strengths that have been overlooked. When self-compassion is applied to self-esteem it reminds us that awards or degrees can be beneficial to reach goals, but serious mental illness can change our lives drastically.  Focusing on the present day and finding peace within ourselves is necessary. Finding gratitude within ourselves and sharing it with others helps us realize how to apply difficult symptoms and learn wisdom through our life experiences. The participants related their new decisions.  

            When participants talked about a psychotic break, a “nervous breakdown” or were hospitalized, they needed time and patience to heal. Self-compassion helps us redefine self-esteem and meet us where we are, not where society thinks we should be.

            LeComte, LeClerc & Wykes (2016) discuss self-esteem with those who have psychosis or other serious mental illnesses and find areas that are key building blocks to self-esteem. Their symptoms of low motivation and low self-worth can prevent them from achieving goals and keeping healthy self-esteem. With these building blocks, people could find a sense of competence.